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We are to take every thought, every area of our lives captive to the word of God.Thankfully, "attraction" does play a role in finding a husband or wife. Biblically, however, attraction as the world understands it cannot be the foundation on which a godly marriage is built. They seem to be swayed heavily by what our culture says it is, and secular standards about who to pursue. I am a single 35-year-old Christian female struggling to get Christian guys to see what marriage was designed to be.Find a gorgeous woman (or man), marry her (or him), and live happily ever after. But movies always end before the fireworks (what your friend calls “zing-pop”) die down. The longest it can last is three years, and often it’s less.On average the emotional highs last between eighteen months and three years. If what he’s looking to hold his marriage together for “many, many, many years” is sexual attraction, he’s setting himself up for disappointment. When two believers come together in marriage, they have the potential, when the giddy feelings ebb, to leave what C. Lewis calls the “thrill” phase of romance for the “quieter and more lasting kind of interest …

In our culture — and in many churches — "attraction," whether purely physical or "chemistry-related," is considered the foundational way to evaluate a potential marriage relationship.

Candice wrote a reply that encapsulates the aspects the I find most infuriating about Christian dating advice: namely, that physical attraction is this sort of either/or thing that you can only count on for a couple of years, and then you plummet directly into companionate love for the rest of your life, never to feel any heat again, but that’s okay because your companionate love is so rich and deep that you’ll never miss being hot for each other except those six times you have sex per year.

Okay, that’s my paraphrase, but what other conclusion can one draw from a reply that begins thusly: If only it were that simple! Every marriage moves beyond the new-love, high-octane phase eventually, according to Psychologist Dorothy Tennov.

‘I’m dating a nice Christian guy who I like and respect,’ said the email (so far, so good – however, I hear a ‘but’ coming). Or as a Christian, does God expect me to be less shallow?

I know there are more important things in a relationship, but shouldn’t there be some spark?




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In particular, it is true of single man and women who got sick and tired of being constantly alone. Usually you have an image of a person ideal for you in your head or at least you know some features that can attract you in that person.


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Some say that the Shallow Man is old, others, when they see my elegantly suited and well trained physique, prefer to think of me as having matured like a Henri Jayer Vosne-Romanee Burgundy. Being so mature, the Shallow Man can remember the days when one would actually have to leave one’s palace to meet a potential partner for life, or the for the night.